Today I got angry. I never get angry. The reason for my anger? The realisation that wherever I go and whatever I do, I will always be a pawn in the chess game called life. And, at this point in time, I've just been taken by the queen. Don't get me wrong, I'm a good, dilligent student, I hand in my coursework on time, I go to my lectures and I take notes. But today, something snapped, my reason went out of the window and I let rip. Wanna know why? Last week I was informed that for the last two weeks I had been attending the wrong Spanish lecture, and that post A-level was too high a level for me and that instead I should go to Spanish for Continuing Beginners. Let me point out, that I am not the 'beginner' that they infer. I got a B at GCSE. So, I may not quite be A Level standard, but by no means am I a beginner. That's strike one. Strike 1.5 being that all we did in Spanish for Continuing Beginners, is learn about Hacer Que. I know about Hacer Que. Now, I know that I am not the strongest Spanish speaker, but I know my grammar! At least in the post A-level class I was pushed to the limit and I actually sort of enjoyed it, and it was oral orientated. Exactly what I need! But no. I have to be subjected to patronising attitudes and hacer que every week. This is not university, this is Primary School! Strike two, condescending woman from an undisclosed company getting very annoyed with me because my friend and I were late to a meeting. So late in fact, that half of the staff went home because we got there. Reason - they gave us crap directions. Strike 3, getting home, wanting nothing more than just to relax and watch videos on Youtube. Access denied. Why? Apparently, I have not downloaded the new Flash player, which I know I have downloaded at least ten times in the last two days. No joke! For about an hour yesterday it was working, now it has decided that I never downloaded it.
But it's not just this that has pissed me off today. This evening I was discussing my blog with a friend over a certain well-known social networking site, who pointed out that blogging is very public and therefore potentially very dangerous. This got me thinking... I mean, other people can be angry and shouting and no-one will virtually bat an eyelid, but me, the mild mannered mediator, I am not allowed to blow up because A. it might offend someone, causing friction, and B. my cause for anger is considered too trivial, and therefore should just forget it. So why is anger such a taboo subject? Why can't I be angry and not have people object, as I have sat with dozens of people dozens of times listening to their angry outbursts and helping them to calm down, yet no-one allows the opposite to happen. This is the most maddening thing, and so I am sharing it with the world, hoping that someone will understand.
Filtness out!
um...Emma, I told you to be careful with what you make public this way because it could get you into trouble. It is entirely different to angry outbursts in normal social scenarios because what you put on the internet is there forever (unless you delete it) and for everyone to see. If you vent in front a group of close associates, the content of your rant is inaccessible to anyone who was not physically there. you on the other hand, use new social media to bitch about someone who you have to live with for a year, and this person could access this at any point and that might very well ruin any nice state of living together for the rest of that time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what is it with this attitude amongst people these days that 'it isn't official if you don't put it on facebook/your blog/twitter'. I use facebook a lot but I don't allow any crossovers between my activity on social networking and genuinely intimate topics because it is simply unapproriate and will ruin the way people perceive intimacy in the long run forever, or rather it apparently already has for you and the new generation of people who grew up with this shit. you don't have to put anything up on a worldwide public stage for it to be acknowledged in a meaningful way, you know? you can just keep the important things between you and people who are important to you, or else they will become trivial in the process because that is the very nature of the medium.
But if this maddens you then please, go on hurting your relationship to your flatmates because you feel like your emotional outlet has to be a public, electronic medium. It will probably be at least entertaining. But you could as well just avoid this trouble and express your anger in a more authentic and less self-destructive manner.
also another point, you mention living with two and one of these people comment saying i know its not me, so calling her tigger means nothing, just get some balls and say it to her or at least say her name rather than going behind her back.
ReplyDeleteYou can look at it that way, however, if you bothered to read it properly, in the context of the whole blog, you will see that I mostly comment on uni and internet connection. The post where I do mention flatmates was basically a catch up on what I've been up to before I started blogging. I may have said some derogatory things, but I didn't make it up. It's what happened. What am I supposed to do, not say anything? I was commenting, from a personal pov, but commenting nonetheless!
ReplyDeleteif you want to say something, you can say it in a more dignified way, and that may be public by saying it to her face, or that may be private by saying it to a friend, and I find both of those options perfectly valid. but saying it on the internet on a public site is just pushing it into limbo, and there is nothing sincere or dignified about that.
ReplyDeleteIn actual fact Ari W, the person in question knows that I was annoyed with her and knows that I did not like her decision to go home and leave me in the lurch. and, to reiterate what I said in my previous comment, that post was a commentary. I didn't call her anything rude and by 'flighty' I did not mean her disposition, rather her habit of leaving for longish periods only to come back for very short periods. What is incendiary about that?
ReplyDelete